THE PAY-TV INTERVIEW!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Pay-TV need no introduction here. They've entered Melodifestivalen, produced a number of very witty and clever pop songs that also manage to deconstruct the "Genre" of pop while also managing to making your head nod erratically. Their lyrics can be read like the abstracts of sociologists articles you find in university libraries, their high heels spiked-up to the core and baselines brutally hard. Dontstopthepop chatted at length to Pay-TV (Neena, Chanelle, Claudia) about nearly everything...

Where have you been since the release of your last single? I heard Claudia is engineering the Clinton and Obama nominations! So that no matter the eventually winner-she’ll obtain control…can you confirm this?

Yes, the democrats actually paid better to run their campaign, especially Clinton. She pays anything you ask for. And now I work for both Clinton - and Obama - so thats very good money. I first worked for Fuckabee but he didnt follow my advise to stress the religious part of his personality. Everybody knows he is both Mormon and KKK and I'm convinced he would win if he would be open about these things. I mean, most Americans agree with these beliefs. So I started to work for both Clinton and Obama, I told Hillary how to be rude and aggressive - and Barack to fake that he was black. And they're both doing well, aren't they?

Yes, would you say your a political pop group then?

We are more like a poppy political group. We have considered starting a political party. Politicians get more prime time TV than pop groups like us. And we think we could make more money that way. The first choice where to start a party would be any of the countries in Central Africa, the Middle East or South America where bribing politicians is a part of the culture. And the weather is much nicer down there too.

One could argue that everything is political these days?

Or maybe that nothing is political? Young people don’t vote any longer. When the former dictatorships become democratic, the number of people that vote normally drops from like 99,99% to something like 25%. Soon no-one will vote - because it’s boring and not very fashionable. And that’s all good - then we don’t need democracy and we dont have to go through all the effort of voting every 4-6 years. At least we, the girls in Pay-TV, have much better things to do than putting pointless pieces of paper into stupid envelopes.

Girls, can I ask you on your thoughts on the human condition?

Not really, but we DO know that we are in perfect condition. And don’t believe the evening press. We are not as old as they claim. And the pictures of us are NOT re-touched. Our legs are actually 2/3 of our total length, we were born that way.

If so, if disco and kitch is out - do you think its actually in?

Well, Disco and kitch is so out its almost in. Just like the 90s, leather pants and face tattoos. But to say it’s actually in… no, not yet, but give it 26 or 27 months and it will be the hottest thing again.


So would Pay-TV ever do a simple tongue-in-cheek schlager pop song?

No, our music is extremely complex and every bassline, every chord, every change of key is calculated with super computers to get maximum success and maximum profit out of our music. But we would never do a simple schlager song as these songs generate royalty incomes over a period of a year or two, then they are forgotten. Our songs has such eternal deepness that they will become classics - and give us royalty incomes in decades to come.

What are your philosophy, jurisprudence and sexuality. What are your thoughts the law and society?

We don't have any opinion about law and society, but lots of opinions on philosophy, sexuality and that other thing… jurispr… jursis-whatever… we know everything about those subjects.

Hegel, Marx or Engles? Which of these philosophers do you most agree with?

We don't agree with any of these dead old guys.We try to never to agree with anyone that is dead. We believe that philosophy is very out. Being intellectual is not very fashionably this year. We agree with egoism and hedonism. The only philosophers that still have something to say are Fidel Castro, Margaret Thatcher and Claude Vorilhon.

So is the Pay-TV project one of deconstruction then?

Yes. And no………. And maybe.

There is much talk about something called a “carbon footprint”. Do Pay-TV own one or are you all more inclined to have a Manolo Blahnik footprint?

All our products are totally climate neutral. Every detail of the music production is taken in consideration, how much electricity the computers consume, how our make-up, deodorants and hair spray effect the ozone layer, how much micro particles coming from the pavement-asphalt are caused by our high heels when we go shopping, everything is calculated and reported to our manager. She then compensates by sending back electricity to poor countries, she is spraying back ozone into the ozone layer and puts the micro particles back into the asphalt. We also compensate for the part of the global warming we cause when the dance floors are hot and busy due to our amazing beats – by sending ice back to the polar regions. Several times a year, we go with our private jet to the polar region so we can drop the ice there. Except the ice needed for our drinks. So we DO pay back to mother earth.

What did Pay-TV think of this years entrants to the Melodifestivalen contest?

It was an amazingly mediocre line-up of "artists". And the artists that have delivered some fairly good songs in the past did not this time. We could go one forever and make fun of the bad-transvestite-looking divas that made it to the final of the Swedish ESC. It was a joke. There was one very nice artist though; a lovely young girl with perfectly glamorous looks; Therese Andersson. And she did a track called ”When you need me”. Very well performed, we might even ask her to join our band.

Would Pay-TV ever consider representing the United Kingdom at next years Eurovision?

If the price is right we would represent anyone. Earlier this year we were asked to represent North Korea at the South East Asian song contest. That was very flattering but they could only offer payment in steel industrialized chicken or potatoes - so we had to say no.

I heard that PayTV are coming to British shores soon? Is this true! Tell us its not a quick trip to Bond Street and Harvey Nichols?

No, seriously, we are planning a British tour over a weekend (a very fancy airline called Ryan Air sponsor our flight with a very generous discount!). We aim to reach top 10 of the sales charts - and to be guest at Parkinson and some other major TV shows when in UK.

Pay-TV are coming to the UK! Happy!

Lets talk about your album then. Its coming. Its on its way. What can we expect?

It’s coming. It’s pretty much ready. We have all the themes for the clothings, hairdos and make-up ready. And we know for sure which bass drum to use on the next track. Then we just have to write some additional songs and to get those right. Should be done in a day or two now when we've got started.

Do you believe in faking it?

Yes we do believe.. or more like we fake that we believe it. Fake can be a way of life once you get it. And whats the opposite of faking it? Can anyone really live like that? Rich people fake it, poor people fake it, monks fake it. We know that you fake it too.

What makes a proper pop icon these days?

A minimum of talent and a maximum of internet exposure. And we love it. Music has never been better, never more commercial and never more superficial. This is the golden era of pop!

Pay-TV have a substantial gay following (see here). Have Pay-TV ever considered a spin-off product/track called “Gay-TV”?

Yes we have. Actually we have already registered the trademark "Gay TV in 3-D". but is not so easy to find material for our TV channel. Interesting gay video clips is not very hard to find but in 3-D. Not as easy as we thought it would be. if anyone out there have access to a 3-D camera and would like to contribute, please feel free to submit material.

Who are you more tired of? Coldplay or Madonna?

Yes, totally.

Can you believe she’s teamed up with Justin Timberlake? What happened to Stuart Price! And before that it William Orbit and Mirwais! She eats them up doesn’t she?

The amazing this is more why she didnt team up with us! We were expecting her call but the only ones that called were Britney, BWO, Robyn, Kylie and Sylvester Stallone. And the recording session with Sylvester didnt turn out that well to be honest. So he focused on this new film instead.

Do you think Queen Elizabeth the first of England and beyond would be a fan of Pay-TV?

Yes, she and her family soooo decadent. And she is incredibly rich, just like we are. And she seems to have a very good sense of humor. Or maybe we’re mixing her up with someone else really old and wrinkly.

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Pay-TV have some amazing plans lined up for this release. At the moment its all neatly wrapped-up and allocated under the box of 'tentative' but they are certainly releasing their long-awaited long-player & new single very very soon. Pay-TV are unique, performative (as Judith Butler would put it) and very agreeable to my sensibilities. If the BBC is listening Pay-TV would be a perfect group to represent this country next year. I'm thinking they could sing on a song titled "We are Not British So Vote For Us" or "Fake It" recalling the Beeb's foray into lying to its audiences over Blue Peters cat and Queen Elizabeth. Indeed.

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